I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
