you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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