forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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