Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
