When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
