why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
