She's JV to your varsity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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