everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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