What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
