i don't like sucking hair
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
