The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
