So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
