my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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