I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
