Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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