Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
