There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
