then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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