he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
