I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize