Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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