he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
