I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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