is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
