I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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