if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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