Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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