i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
