fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
