Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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