I want to walk on stilts...naked
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
