i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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