Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
