Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
