You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
