I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
