Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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