Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
