He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
