I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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