Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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