I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
