So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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