Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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