i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
