operation have a gay friend backfired
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
