YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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