i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
