what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
