hotel room ftw
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
