I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
