Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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