So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
