her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
