Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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