My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
