if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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