I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
