So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
