Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
