Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
