Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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