im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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