He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
