i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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