I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
