Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
