the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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