my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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