I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
