i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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