there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
