Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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